I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
