i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Randomize
