i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
