First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
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