The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
