I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
