What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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