you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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