Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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