Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
