I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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