I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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