hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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