She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
