I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
