He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Randomize