ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Just cropdusted the office
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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