My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
