I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Randomize
