I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
