You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
why do cheetos always look like penises
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
