I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
