I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Randomize
