You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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