We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize
