yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
