she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I think people are normalizing furries
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
jump out the window naked night went bad
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
