At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I just want nice things and good sex
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
