the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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