i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize