So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
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