I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
it's not cheating when I paid for it
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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