i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
