I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
