i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
