What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
