I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
