Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
