News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
