I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
