I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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