I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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