That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
