dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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