you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
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