he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
