he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize