All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
