Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
