ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Randomize
