I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
He passed out mid-signature
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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