I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
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