so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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