Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
just tell him i said nine months
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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