The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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