While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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