He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
