i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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