He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
