im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
