I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
