Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
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The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
And then my night got REAL pukey
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You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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