My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
