idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I just gift wrapped bread.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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