he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
