i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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