What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
No more Irish car bombs ever.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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