How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Is Oprah even human
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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