VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
