Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
