On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Swine flu. Run for my life!
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
they're like a gay fantastic four
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
