i already hear my dad disowning me
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Randomize
