I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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