I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
