you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
